Are You a No or Yes Mom?

Moms of today – I feel for you.

I was in the trenches when there were no camera phones. No lasting incriminations of the words that came out of my mouth when I was pushed to the limit.

But if there was, I can bet you that the most used word might have been


NO, you can’t have that.

NO, you just had one.

NO, it’s bedtime

NO……. fill in the blank (I know you can, easily)

If I watched a video of my mode of operation in the early years of Momming, I would have agreed with anyone that
I truly was a “Debbie Downer” of a mom.

I now can identify where my frustrations came from:

I wanted things MY way. I was a control freak. If things didn’t go my way, no one deserved a “yes”.

I had very little bandwidth – I was running on empty – A LOT of the time. If I didn’t get some “yes” in my
     life, I had no desire to give others a “yes”.

My communication skills were poor and I needed to clearly lay out expectations and consequences and rewards.

Overall lack of order in my home caused me to be a wicked warden. Wardens don’t say “yes”.

That is NOT the way I wanted to be.

I wanted to be a mom who said “yes”, but not the pushover mom or  just the “fun” mom who let their kids do all those “things”.  It couldn’t be a cheap “yes” that just handed things out.

I wanted my kids to know the value of :

      Enjoying “those things” because they worked and earned them

     Learning to be a part of making our home less chaotic, more ordered

     Developing habits that would serve them well in their lives past our home

     Knowing they got the “yes” because of their good choices

     Being grateful for what they were given

So, basically I needed a new plan. A new management style. One that created a new atmosphere of participants (parents and kids) understanding what their daily expectations were and the rewards for meeting those expectations.

Enter: the All Done Day plan. It was our family’s paradigm shift. Important-to-us family values were incorporated into a personalized daily plan for each of our kids. These plans created some daily expectations that taught life skills, helped check boxes for their educational and physical development, taught time management, contributed to the order of our household, encouraged a good work ethic, and rewarded their accomplishments with desired incentives.

With this management shift, there was a new aroma in the air. There was less of an “oppressive regime” that we were living under. There was clearer communication. There was a sense of the management believing in the workers and a desire for all to succeed. Our kids benefited from a bonus system that made everyone happy..

Everything was pointed toward “YES”.

And, it worked! We rolled out the All Done Day plan when our four kids were 10, 8, 6 and 3. Everyone had their daily plan to work on. At the end of the day, if they had chosen to complete their plan, they were given a big “yes” in the form of an All Done Day coupon that they could save up to cash in for incentives that spoke to them, like  sleepovers with friends, special outings with mom or dad, favorite collectible toys or building sets, etc.

It was giving our kids the desire to get to “yes” each day.

They benefited from their decisions to follow through. It helped them to see the value of daily accomplishment, time management, and even self-sacrifice for a greater goal.

They learned that the sweetest rewards come from discipline and persistent decisions to be a “doer”.

Our home became a better place to live. Our productivity charts were spiking. Everyone was pulling their weight. There was a peer pressure to “work the plan”.

Mom was calmer.

You might even say I had become a “heck YES” mom!

Want to learn more about our All Done Day plan?

Read my other blog posts! Read the book! Join my Facebook Group! Share this with a friend!

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Ann Lahm

Author, Blogger

I love the opportunities to support parents and Moms in particular, that All Done Day has provided me.

Ann Lahm

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